If I had my child to raise all over again,
I’d finger paint more, and point the finger less.
I’d do less correcting, and more connecting.
I’d take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I would care to know less, and know to care more.
I’d take more hikes and fly more kites.
I’d stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I’d do more hugging, and less tugging.
I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.
I’d build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I’d teach less about the love of power,
And more about the power of love.
by diana Loomans
We often associate discipline with punishment, when we hear that a child need to be disciplined, we’d immediately thought that he need to be punished. If that’s the kind of discipline you’re looking for then the no-cry discipline solution by Elizabeth Pantley is not the book that you’re looking for. Elizabeth Pantley, author of The No-Cry Sleep Solution, gives discipline a new look in her book, The No-Cry Discipline Solution.
The book starts off by discussing parenting attitudes and how they affect children’s behaviour. She addresses the myths that many parents believe such as “If you love your child and if your intentions are good, parenting will come naturally to you.” Pantley dispels these parenting myths and gives parents a new way of looking at discipline.
Part one of The No-Cry Discipline Solution continues its parental aids by defining the four parts to discipline. In this book, Pantley states these four parts are: “to correct immediate behavior; to teach a lesson; to give tools that build self-discipline and emotional control; to build the parent/child relationship.” She gave some examples how these parts apply to some typical situation.
Part two covers skills and tools for no-cry discipline. She gives plenty of parenting tricks to equip parents to handle tricky situation. I have implemented some of the tricks given by the book, such as ‘5-3-1 go’ to prepare children to leave their favourite places with success. However, I didn’t have much luck with the talking nappy (make it talk performance). My son didn’t think it’s funny anymore after a few tries.
She explains that parents need to take the time to discover the “real problem” or what is causing their child’s problematic actions. The book also covers how to handle the “big three” – tantrums, fussing and whining. Most of the tips are valuable. We did implemented most of them in our house, such as validating their feeling, getting down and talking eye to eye with them. We also created a calm-down room for our children when they were angry screaming uncontrollably, and had taught children deep breathing and relax (we also use yoga and relaxation cd). I also often use the distract and involve strategy, especially to prevent and handle tantrum in public place.
In part three, parents learn how to stay calm and how to determine the reasons they get angry with their children. The book will help parents to not only realize the root cause of their anger, but how to develop a plan to manage their anger.
The part four completes the book by providing specific solutions for everyday problems. Some of the behaviours addressed are backtalk, biting other children, interrupting and lying. Parent could find practical advice in this section with almost one hundred pages devoted to answering these discipline problems.
All in all, the no cry discipline solution is a good parenting book. I’d recommend it to parents who are at their wits end trying to handle temper tantrum, whining and fussing. It promotes positive parenting approach and stresses that there is no ONE magic solution. I personally think this book more suitable tackling misbehaviour for under 4. I’ve read plenty of parenting book and found that this book kind of summarizes nicely lots of parenting books. So, it’s good in a way if you haven’t read many other parenting books. Some of the strategies are not new for me. I found that, the method is a bit preaching for older children. We are supposed to tell them over and over again but the downfall of that is, it didn’t let them think for themselves . I started to look into different parenting book and found the book ‘How to raise a thinking child’ provides solutions to make children to think of different solutions of their own problems and feelings. I haven’t finished reading that book but we have done some activities describe in the book and I can already see a lot of improvement in my daughter’s behaviour.